S.O.S. Steps

S.O.S: Steps to Resolve A Conflict (cont'd)

Begin with the Big Cs:Calm Down Cool-Off Chill-Out

Remember to:

Find a good time and place to talk. -Acknowledge feelings.

Listen to what the other person is saying. -Avoid the blame game.

Focus on the problem-not the person. Get all of the facts.

S - STORY

1. Both people agree to talk about the problem and follow ground rules:

               -One person talks at a time.

               -No interrupting.

               -No name-calling or put-downs.

               -Be honest.

2. One person tells his/her side of the story, using "I" statements to say how they feel.

3. The other person restates what the first person said (e.g. "What I hear you saying is...") and may ask questions to clarify understanding.

4. Now, the second person tells his/her side of the story, including "I" statements.

5. The first person then restates what the other person said and may ask questions to clarify understanding.

6. Agree on what the problem is.

O - OPTIONS

Brainstorm options with both people suggesting possible solution options (e.g. "Well, how about ..."). Remember no evaluating - all suggestions are accepted at this point and written down.

S – SOLUTION

1. Evaluate options. Look for options that are safe, fair and will work for both people.

2. Choose a solution where both people can be winners.

3. If it doesn't work, get back together and discuss other options.

4. If this doesn't work and there is still a problem, ask someone for help.

Developed by Gayle Hines and Vinia Roberts, Park Layne Elementary School. Based on "Steps to

Resolve a Conflict," Community Board Program, Inc.